prince gastronome. there are certain things not up for comparison. shakespeare plays, stanley kubrick movies, the bugatti veyron, ava gardner, robotech, elements of our society which cannot be rated alongside others despite sharing similar traits. reasons can be varied, from being so far beyond the quality of others that such comparisons are meaningless, to the subject in question being so far removed from the standard tropes associated with the others that comparing them is like rating which is better, the simpsons or a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
teatro falls into this latter category—a restaurant offering an experience so detached from any other i had encountered thus far as to preclude any comparison. i mean, is it italian, french? it’s not a family restaurant; it feels like a posh bistro. it has a tasting menu with i eventually ordered. yet with all these common attributes, the resulting meal still cannot be measured to others, not even to claridges. that’s not to mean it’s better by any account, just different...and yes, it’s also better. but that superiority comes with a price, a hefty one preventing one from repeating such a visit weekly or even monthly. despite my desire to return to teatro again, i can’t see myself taking in the tasting menu for a very long time. even if i moved to calgary, i’d still save teatro for only the most treasured of special occasions, like if i had a special date or a...a...okay, that’s really all i got, and it would be one to secure a second to be sure, or actually more like a fourth. she would have to be ava gardner in the killers to warrant teatro on a first date.
so what makes teatro special? it’s something called molecular gastronomy—a subdivision of food science dedicated to unique and obscure approaches to cooking in order to create, in many situations, wholly new results from traditional ingredients. it involves the study of chemical interactions and physical changes depending on temperature and pressure. admittedly, this can sound a bit elitist as some of the techniques involve the use of vacuum chambers, evaporators, and ultrasounds. the end product is often served in small portions with multiple courses to showcase the various examples of the craft. this is what teatro offers with their extremely pricey tasting menu, all eight courses of it.
i made the reservation for the last day of my trip, a consequence of downtown calgary being three feet below water not two weeks earlier. i was lucky to get in when i did. i was offered a spot in sight of the expansive open kitchen, next to a window where wind and rain was molesting the unsecured patio seats outside. there really isn’t much i can say about the decor of teatro, other than its simply magnificent. i adore the fact that the plating area is brightly lit from low hanging lamps so patrons can see the attention to detail given. i adore the high ceilings, the wrought iron rails, the greek pillars.
i made a point to cherish each course—i needed to considering that the whole experience was setting me back $135. i was presented with a platter of salt, a spoon, and some olive oil. i still have no clue what i was supposed to do with that other than perhaps make an impromptu bread dip, but i lacked the balsamic and a plate to use other than the one the bread arrived with. i ended up leaving it alone. after an amuse bouche, the experience began.
i could go into details of each dish, but half of the time, i didn’t even know what i was eating. each plate was barely three bites, four tops. i recognized homemade pasta, truffle shavings, and sea scallops. what i didn’t recognize was the grilled compressed basil, the lemon garlic foam, the focaccia lace, vegetable ash, parmesan custard, confit de’ grapefruit and the halibut basted in squid ink. yes, you heard right, vegetable ash. what, you were hanging on, the squid ink? well, yes, that is kind of odd. most of the time, i didn’t even know what the waiter was saying as he switched from a flawlessly spoken french pronunciation to english, often times mid sentence. despite these unique combinations and textures, was it any—well, of course it was good, amazing even. the pasta with compressed basil with parmesan custard was a particular highlight. however, the real jewel was the last, the raspberry sorbet made in front of me with liquid nitrogen and a stand mixer. these are only two examples of the eight courses. in all it took almost two hours for the evening to end. i felt satisfied but not full. the waiter was incredibly adept in his craft, on equal stature with the chefs.
value on the other hand is probably up to opinion. everything was at the top of its game, an upper echelon of the industry, but is it worth $180 with tax and gratuity. i would say yes with the caveat that it’s an experience that you may only have once. so why not try it once? teatro specializes in creating an experience you’ll remember your entire life, and you should, because once in a while you should do something stupid. regular customers are those with a mercedes parked next to their ferrari, with a house in inverness and another in edinburgh (inside joke). the rest of us may not be able make teatro a regular outing, but we have better hats.
decor: 10
plating: 10
service: 9.5
food: 10
value: 6
overall: 9.1 out of 10