blech. they say a photo is worth a thousand words, so i've included a photo of a bowl of the white horse tavern's "clam chowder."
but i can't leave it to chance. i really can't. so here are some words, too.
we visited the storied white horse tavern location in newport recently. the tavern, which has been around for over 350 years, is a great historic building in the lovely city of newport and, while not the most recommended spot in newport, it was possible to get reservations here during a particularly busy week in the town. probably the first bad sign.
the meal that followed was a true comedy of errors. with a "farm to table" menu that "looks" promising, and entrees that range between $30 and $40 apiece, we had the vague sense that things couldn't be "that bad."
and, indeed, the oysters we started out with were delicate and silky, some of the best we had during our stay on the coast. if the mignonette was poorly balanced, with huge chunks of shallot, overpowering the subtle oysters, we didn't take it as a warning sign. the seasonal sausage tasting was also delicious.
from there, things took a turn. our waiter was poorly informed about the provenance of the ingredients, including the oysters. he brought us the wrong bottle of wine and seemed unconvinced that it wasn't what we'd ordered. service was uninspired, at best. when a member of our party accidentally dropped and broke a wineglass, a waiter suggested we simply leave it on the floor until after our meal was over. another waiter visibly dropped a piece of bread on the floor, picked it up with his fingers!!, and placed it back on the plate!!!!!!
the lukewarm cups of clam chowder delivered to the table were so unappetizing in appearance and flavor that one guest in our party was forced to tell the waiter, "i just have to say it...this isn't clam chowder." and our waiter agreed with us! unfortunately, this did not include any offer to remove the offending items from our bill or to enlighten the chef. the clam chowder had more in common with a progresso canned chicken soup than anything resembling clam chowder. i know the place has been around since 1673, but would it be possible to go ahead and make a new pot of chowder? please?
the rhode island mushroom appetizer was lukewarm, exceptionally underseasoned, and pieces were uneven in size (resulting in unevenness in cooked texture). upon delivery to the table, the steamed mussels were most notable for a complete and utter lack of steam. stone cold by the time they were served, they sat sadly in a greasy and milky sauce that carried little flavor. the seafood special was, once again, completely underseasoned. the special heirloom tomato salad was unconvincing--the tomatoes lacked the flavor and texture we've come to expect from high-end farm-to-table eateries. even the caesar salad was virtually inedible, with soggy (could they truly have been canned?) anchovies, overdressed greens, and a complete lack of balance in the dressing.
the best part of our trip to this restaurant was the hilarity with which each new level of awfulness came to light. seriously, i haven't laughed so hard in a long time. unfortunately, the bill at the end of the evening was no laughing matter. we ate the next evening at the blue ox in boston, with two additional party members, and our bill was still less, with much higher satisfaction.
i feel like such a historic place ought to strive for just a little more food quality and service quality. like, just out of sheer embarrassment.