hedone

not good. i ate here last night and i'll be honest. it was not good.

after we arrived and were seated the waiter explained that their menu worked a bit differently and we could choose to have four, five or seven courses. we thought we'd take the middle option of five. he then asked us to choose two starters and two main courses.

on perusing the menu and wine list i noted that it was an extremely pricey establishment. chiswick has a michelin starred restaurant, la trompette and hedone was considerably pricier than its esteemed neighbour.

presently another waiter appeared and asked us to choose three starters and one main course. as this was different to the instruction of the first waiter we sought a third opinion and it transpired that the second waiter was correct. there was a problem though, as my vegetarian friend noted - there was only one vegetarian dish on the menu.

when he pointed this out and asked if they did a vegetarian menu, utter panic set in. seemingly they have never had a vegetarian visit them before. after much head scratching from the waiter, the chef arrived at our table and said they could do it so we all ordered our food and waited.

and waited.

presently an amuse bouche turned up. it appeared to be a little pot of rancid gravy. it couldn't be though so i tried it. no, it really was a pot of rancid gravy. it was (at that stage of the evening), the worst thing i had ever put in my mouth. the vegetarian in our group got a little pot of mashed potato. a slightly odd choice by the chef but it looked a lot more appetising than what i'd been given. the smell of mine alone was reminiscent of the drains in hong kong at the height of the summer. i decided that one spoonful was enough.

after about 40 minutes the first course arrived. i had ordered oysters. they were dry and tasteless like they had been shucked that morning and left open all day. worse still they were smothered in a sort of sauce that seemed to have come out of the next door newsagent's slush puppy machine. truly grim.

the vegetarian was having asparagus, (the one vegetarian option that had been on the menu). this was the only dish of the night that wasn't ridiculously over-engineered and although the sauce that came with it was bland (not sure what it was meant to be, a mousseline perhaps), the asparagus itself was fresh, flavourful and cooked well.

another guest had a duck egg. to be honest it looked more like a tramp egg and from his reaction when he tried it, it tasted more like one too. the egg was overcooked to the point that the yolk was completely solid and it was covered in a sauce that i would guess was made by mixing ketchup and brown sauce and then reducing it with a couple of spoons of the aforementioned rancid gravy to ensure it could not be ordered by any vegetarian unlucky enough to wander into their restaurant.

the next round of starters arrived a further 30 minutes later and a second plate of asparagus was placed in front of the vegetarian. he pointed out he had just had one of those at which point the chef came out of the kitchen and started shouting across the restaurant at the waiter who had delivered it. the chef then produced a revised vegetarian plate which was a tablespoon of wilted spinach and and a teaspoon of carrot purée.

at this point i lost the ability to be cross and started to actually laugh at the place. the abysmal service, the utter crisis caused by the arrival of a vegetarian, food which would make a dog cry, a chef who shouts at his waiters across the restaurant and who thinks fine dining vegetarian style is a blob of wilted spinach - it was just too funny.

while this was unfolding next to me i received lobster with pomegranate (£5 supplement). the pomegranate sauce was essentially a much sweeter version of jam and it managed to simultaneously clash with and totally overpower the lobster. the latter effect would normally be unwelcome but in this case it was a bit of a godsend because the lobster tasted like it had been defrosted a fortnight earlier and stored in a warm, oxygenated place for accelerated putrification, it's fishy aftertaste accompanying me all the way home.

and home is where i went next. i didn't bother waiting for my main course or dessert. it had taken well over two hours to get to this point and there was no way i was going to wait another two to get more of the same.

so if you are ever in chiswick and want a posh meal out, go to le vacherin or la trompette, which are both great.

on the other hand if you are ever in chiswick and want an excellent comedy night out, go to hedone, grab a seat at the bar and watch a real life episode of fawlty towers acted out right before your eyes.

the menu is compact in choice and is priced according to the number of courses you order. there is also a 7 course tasting menu. we kicked off with a cheese biscuit appetiser with a raspberry topping. the biscuit was light and airy, and the raspberry was pleasant.

true to form, the fresh, seasonal ingredients sung out loud, like julie andrews on the top of the alps, in the sound of music. there were unique and original combinations that danced beautifully on the plate. i liked the fact, there were polar taste combinations, such as sweet and salty, testing my palate.

i went to see new movie the artist on saturday evening. even if you've not seen it yourself, you will most likely have heard of it - the slavering reviews, the cavalcade of awards, the oscar buzz. the friend i went with told me that her colleague declared it "the most perfect movie he'd ever seen", and to compliment this most nostalgic of shows we'd selected the best seats at the wonderful old ritzy cinema in brixton. so i think it's fair to say our expectations were high. it was a good film. i liked it. i think my friend liked it too. a nice, light-hearted period piece set in the early days of cinema, a good few chuckles, some dancing, a straightforward love story and a bit with a dog. a very pleasant way to spend the evening. but i would hardly put it in my top 5 films i've seen this week, never mind of all time, and left completely baffled about the attention it's been receiving. is the artist really the best film of 2011 and i'm just a joyless misery guts that can't appreciate a go

the beginning of october brought not only a distinct autumnal chill, but several highly anticipated dates in the uk restaurant calendar including this year's release of hallowed michelin stars, the national restaurant awards, as well as several "best of" lists from respected publications such as timeout and ofm. many that fared well - the ledbury , pollen street social , roganic , dinner by heston - though deserved, weren't much of a surprise. far more interesting i thought were the ones to watch, like new kid on the block hedone , crowned nra's most promising opening of the year. brainchild of ex-blogger mikael jonsson, the chiswick neighbourhood eatery with a nordic sensibility (a nod to the chef patron's swedish roots) takes sourcing to another level. the focus is on the ingredients - stripping dishes down to emphasise the purity of their natural flavours. a light flaky amuse of cep tart, slightly bland on first bite, became wonderfully woodsy after a scant sprinkle of sea salt pilf

as you, i came upon hedone filled with expectation. fay likes it, guy loved it, andy - whose standards are as high as taipei 101 - gave it a rare 8. so it must be fucking magic right? you'll read alot of kerfaffle online about the birth of hedone and its progenitor swedish chef mikael jonsson, a trained chef, but who became a lawyer, before rediscovering his gastronome side, and now owner of his very own restaurant. curiously, i feel a rare aura of respect, which certainly comes across through the work of the food writers who have been to mikael's restaurant. this is a rare occurrence, you'll find similar glowing reports across egullet and chowhound too, and at the point of writing, i believe this is what has contributed to its rocketing profile up the hypemeter. i visited for lunch and had to drag mark along for i promised him that hedone could very well change his life. unexpectedly, he was late, blaming the fact that he took the wrong bus. i was obviously flipping about uncomfortabl

flame grilled cornish mackerel, japanese flavour was all simplicity with a fillet of the freshest mackerel cooked very rare alongside a fine salad dressed with the so called japanese flavours. this dish showed definite potential in the open kitchen and the preparation of the dish certainly highlighted that the ingredients were of the finest standard. still, i couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that he had not been more creative with them.

an "umami" flan with seaweed (nori) coolie. the flan was, say, you imagine japanese steamed egg yolk, and that's probably it. curd-y, lovely flavour from dashi stock, married well with the perfumed nori layer.